A Murder in Knoxville by Wayne Zurl

If I knew how to deal with women, I wouldn’t get involved with some of the things that cause me trouble. I was minding my own business, trying to be just another small-town cop. Then my phone rang. Caller ID showed the number of my favorite TV reporter. I answered.

“Well, hello there,” she said, sounding very sexy.

“Hi, how’re you today?”

“I’m doing just fine, and I’m glad you’re in the office.”

“You sound like you’re in a good mood this morning,” I said.

“I am. I’m in the mood for love. Want to have phone sex?”

I think I’m a pretty worldly guy—but that one took me back.

“Rachel, sweetheart, you’re my best friend, but the last time I looked, we were married—and not to each other. I try to be good where you’re concerned. So, how can you ask me something like that? You have no mercy.”

“You are so cute when you get flustered.”

“Flustered? Me? I am not.”

“Are too.”

“Jeez,” I said, “did you hear yourself? That was so jejune.”

“Jejune?”

“Yeah, it means…”

“I know what it means,” she interrupted. “No one on earth says jejune except you.”

“That’s not true. If I didn’t want to behave myself, I’d rent a movie and we could watch a particular film where they use the word more than once.”

“If you take me to a drive-in, I’ll make out with you.”

“Will you cut that out?”

“Well, if you won’t take advantage of my invitations, I’d better get down to business.”

“You just want to stop this R-rated dialogue and talk business without skipping a beat? Is that anyway to treat your buddy?”

“Oh, I love this. Little Rachel can turn her big tough guy into an old softie.”

“Lady, you won’t get me to comment on that one; no ma’am, not me.”

“I think you just did, Sammy. Were you getting hot and bothered?”

“Shameless hussy.”

“Oh, you’re so sweet—you’re the only man I’d ever leave home for.”

“Where have I heard that one before?”

“Well, it’s true. Now if you won’t make love to me over the phone, I guess we have to talk seriously. Will you do me a favor?”

“Of course I’ll do you a favor. Silly woman. You could have just asked instead of making me need a cold shower.”

“Do I have that effect on you?”

“Stop fishing. What do you want?”

“It’s really not for me. One of the assistant producers, Angie Valle—I think you’ve met her—she’s having a problem.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I need to ask something first. How do you feel about arresting another police officer?”

That’s the kind of thing a cop never likes to hear, but occasionally you do it.

“I’ve had to do that before, back when I worked in New York,” I said. “Look, cops generally don’t like to lock up other cops, but if it’s necessary, I can deal with that.”